The Party

The going away party was cool. Very low-key, just what I wanted and I was glad for the people that came out. I had a nice time. Here are some shots, I’m gonna go to bed.

Party

Procrastination Hurts

I’m not generally a procrastinator… I like to work on things little-by-little early on in the project, so that when I get closer to the deadline, I’m not freaking out.  I don’t know what it is about finals, though, especially in Spring, that just make me about the most procrastinating person ever.

The last final, and I mean last final of my undergraduate career is due to be presented Tuesday.  It’s a video piece.  I’m probably only 25% done.  I’m pretty sure it’s because I had to re-shoot it but I found that out just 2 days before a 6-day long trip to Arkansas for my Grandmother’s funeral.

Right now, I know I should be working on the piece but good lord I just feel so unmotivated!  Not motivated?!  You ask, But you’re about to graduate!  What more motivation do you need?!?!  It’s that semester-end thing where I’m just barely crawling over the finish line.  I am overwhelmed with the many things that life is throwing at me now.  I know that I will complete it tomorrow.  I know that I will pass the class.  I know that I will graduate.  But at 9:06pm PST, at this very present moment, I don’t know if what I produce will even be halfway decent.  I’m just so done already.

I need to find employment.  I need to clean my bedroom which is an utter pigsty because I did laundry the morning I left and didn’t get a chance to put it all away.  When I got back at 2:30am, I pushed everything off my bed and collapsed and have been so busy since returning that I haven’t had a decent amount of time to clean.  I need fingerprints.  I need to get 2 sets of paperwork done.  I have to submit volunteer hours.  Worry about getting bills paid (I haven’t worked since January because I was looking after my grandmother, going to school, and taking Japanese classes).  I also have to train 5 people before I leave in August.

Sometimes I just get so worried about stuff that I just want to drop it all and start from scratch, but I can’t really do that, so slosh through it I must.

But I don’t mean to sound like a drag.  There are some silver linings to my clouds:  I made an awesome new friend last month who absolutely makes my days.  I will be graduating with a BA degree by the end of the month.  The Drive-In is open.  I have a full summer to spend with great friends before I move to Japan in August.  I will be a first-time Aunt come October.  I will be independent.  I will almost be like a real grown-up!

So there you have it.  Once I get over this hump called May (which, oddly, seems to be a big hurdle every year), it will almost be smooth sailing for a while.

And with confidence somewhat restored, I will rest and relax tonight and (hopefully) go full-throttle tomorrow, probably chatting with my buddy throughout the day, ha!  Oh yeah, and my sister and her husband come back tomorrow, too… so that’s always nice.

Sorry sorry sorry, I’m back

So sorry for the long (unintended) leave of absence.  I didn’t mean to go away for so long.  Life has been insane.  I have one week left of school. my sister is pregnant and just learned yesterday the baby is a girl, (FTW!).  After caring for my grandmother for several months, she finally succumbed to bone cancer about 10 days ago.  I got in to the JET program and will be leaving in August for Japan.

More detailed updates to come, I’m just trying to get things in order and this next week coming up will be a little hectic.

Want to know what was stealing my time?

It’s been awhile

This is a bit of a housekeeping blog, but as I’ve been tagged by Kathleen, I will start off with 7 random facts.

Here are the rules:
1.Link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post “The Rules”
3. Post 7 weird or random facts about yourself on your blog.
4. Tag seven people and link to them.
5. Comment on their blogs to let them know they have been “tagged”. 

And the facts are as follows:
[1]  I’ve seen *NSYNC in concert a total of 6 times.  I really like them, and they do great shows.

[2]  I’m afraid of birds; but only when they’re flying above me… for obvious reasons.

[3]  I haven’t had a boyfriend or even a date in a 5 whole years.  Pretty sad.

[4]  The right side of my body seems sub-par to the left.  I’m left-handed.  My right eye has astigmatism, my right ear hears only 60% as well as the other, and my right shoes always scuff up worse.

[5]  I have contemplated breast reduction surgery several times but I can’t bring myself to do it because I don’t want my boobs to be all scarred up like I’ve seen in “after” photos.

[6]  I’m a little afraid of life after college.

[7]  When I was a kid, I used to wish for a robot that could do all my chores.

I’m supposed to tag 7 other people, but I don’t really know anyone in the blog world and have already been tagged by the one person I sorta know.  So… that ends that, I guess. 

Other things going on with me.  Still haven’t gotten a job, but Dad asked me to come and help look after my grandmother while he’s away at work (he has two jobs).  I wanted to help and I know it’s a big deal to my Dad.  I’m going to stick around for as long as possible, but when she starts getting a little closer to the end, I told Dad I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle that.  He said that it’s alright and he doesn’t want me to see her in that state either.

So I’ve been helping with her medications and doing laundry and some other things.  She can get around by herself, she can take her own medicine and everything; she just has a feeding tube right now and can’t do solid foods (I’m not sure if that’s permanent or if the doctors will remove the tube later).  She keeps it low-key and mellow.

Even though I only have 3 units, school seems hectic, I guess because of trying to make sure I get my assignments done and helping with grandma and other stuff.  We (Mom’s house) moved to an apartment and we are still undecided on an ISP because we hate Comcast, so we don’t have internet right now.  And Dad is not really a web kinda guy, I mean, with his two jobs, he doesn’t have a lot of extra time on his hands and it’s just him at his house, so it’s not something he cares to get.  So as you can imagine, accessing the internets can be a bit of a hassle. 

Couple other things before I close out:

—– I had my JET interview a few weeks ago and I should know in 3-4 weeks if I will be heading off to Japan for a year, keep your fingers crossed!

—– My sister is pregnant!  They hadn’t planned on having a baby so soon, but it’s a blessing, nonetheless.  The baby is due in October, just 10 months after the wedding!  Everyone says it’s a “Honeymoon Baby”, I agree.  They want a boy, but she’s not far enough along to find out yet, so we’ll have to wait a bit longer to find that out.So, that’s about it for now.  Don’t want to overload.  I’ll try to do updates, but my internet access is real sparse. 

Come on, January 2008…. for real!?!?!?!?

So, no lie, the day after I post my last blog, Daddy calls me about my grandmother.  She’s been in and out of the hospital since The Wedding and on Monday the doctors finally diagnosed her. She has bone cancer and they’ve given her six months to live. When I hear this… I just have no idea what to think or how to feel.

Now, mind you, The Siblings and I never had a good relationship with my Grandmother.  I mean, she came to town every year and always stayed on the other side of town with my Dad’s sister and her three sons.  She always lavished so much attention (and gifts) upon them.  They spent weeks during the summer at her home in Arkansas.  For us?  We may as well not have existed, which sucked, especially considering the fact that my maternal Grandmother died 3 months before my big brother was born, so we pretty much never got to know her.

Anyway, I digress.  Over the past couple years the relationship has improved… slightly; but not to the point where the thought of her not around shakes me to my core.  I don’t want to sound like I’m disrespecting her, because I’m not.  I love my Grandmother.  The point I’m trying to make is that I feel that there will be some pressure to be more broken up about this news (and the coming passing), than I may show in the end.  When I learned back in September that a woman from my Church that I knew and loved dearly had passed away from Breast Cancer after a couple years of a tough struggle, I was speechless and at the viewing and funeral I cried.  I just don’t know if I will react the same way about my close blood relative.

In any case, I’m there for my Dad.  I’m there for my Grandmother (who has not been told yet, btw.  That will happen this week).  I’m there for my family.  The Sibs and I visited her tonight at my Aunt’s house… (they’re not going to send her back to Arkansas because 4 of her 7 children live here in the Bay Area and she was already out here anyway) She looked like the same grandmother.  We didn’t breathe a word about her diagnosis.  We made conversation and enjoyed the time.

I have absolutely no idea of how hard the coming months will be for her and for my family.

The only thing remotely close that I can relate to is that nine years ago my Great Aunt (Big Sis to my maternal Grandmother) succumbed to ALS after battling it for several years.  She was the only real Grandmother figure I had growing up and I watched her condition slowly from a spunky, independent, fast-talking, 70-something woman to a bed-ridden, nursing cared-for woman who was grieved knowing that she couldn’t even speak to her family members in her last days of life because the disease had prohibited the use of the former singer’s vocal chords.

My last memory of her is Easter Sunday, 1999.  We escorted her to a room big enough to hold 3 generations of extended family and we sang for her until she cried.  We cried as we sang for her and she smiled.  Looking around the room, everyone sort of knew that these would be our last moments with her.  Two weeks later she died and that was the hardest loss I have ever experienced.  I was fourteen.

I will just have to pray peace and strength for my family in the coming months… I don’t know what else to do. 

Super Funky

You ever get in a bit of a funk and you’re not really sure why? You know you just feel like crap and you spend a lot of time trying to mentally sort out all of your emotional rubbish? Yeah… that’s me right now.

Well, I’m not completely at a loss for what may be causing my current state of funk; I mean, 2008 is starting out with a bang, for sure. Talked to Daddy yesterday and turns out he might be splitting from his current wife. Mom is house-hunting so that means it’s time to move. I’m still waiting to hear back about an internship I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. I pretty much have no job at this point. Oh, and some other emotional confusion too. So I guess I was wrong… the source of this funk isn’t so ambiguous.

The whole thing with Dad is not official yet. Don’t get me wrong, my siblings and I absolutely can’t stand his wife. It’s been drama from day one and even though they’ve only been married for, what, 2.5 years(?), I wouldn’t even be able to sum up all the drama in this entry. Let’s just say she’s super rude/disrespectful/immature/jealous. She doesn’t understand that the relationship between Father and Children is supposed to be different than that of Husband and Wife, and for good reasons; but she has always been jealous of our relationship with our Dad. But I’ll tell you one thing, it has taken every single day of the past 12.5 years since my parents split to rebuild our relationship with my Dad and it will surely be a cold day in hell with demons ice skating on the Lake of Fire before some chick comes in thinking she can take that away from us.

And even though we didn’t like her, we never even tried to sabotage the relationship. I mean, had that been our plan, the four of us would have succeeded even before they got married. My siblings and I can naturally be very intimidating, but we’re an unstoppable force when we’re on a mission, so she should consider herself lucky… well, sort of. Her fatal move was last year when she made some sideways crack about us telling my mom her business and then my mom telling other people when that was not even the truth because my mom could care less about her. Big Sis almost jumped over the couch and beat her in the kitchen. Only her Fiancee (now husband) and Brother could hold her back but the wrath that was in her voice was pretty much unabated. Oh, aaaand Big Sis humbled herself and called her after we left and APOLOGIZED to try and make amends and wife-lady would not take that as an opportunity to squash the beef.

So needless to say, the Sibs and I are happy that she will soon be gone, but we are sad that Daddy will now be twice divorced and a bit discouraged.

Then over on the Mom side, for several reasons, we shall soon be moving. We’re staying in the area, just changing homes. Personally, I’ve been urging a move for the past 2 years but people are only just now agreeing with me. >.< But I hate moving. Honest to God, my family has moved about every 3 years since my parents split in ‘95… so this’ll be *counting* the fifth time we’ve moved collectively since the split. And if you include my moving for college, that brings my personal total (only counting residences, not moving in plus moving out) up to 10 times.

I just can’t say it anymore plainly. I hate moving. The boxes, the packing, the organizing, the cleaning (the old and new places), the searching once you’ve moved, the settling in…. urggg.

I contacted the company I interviewed with a little while ago… they were STILL conducting interviews… at this point, I’m just like: Hire ME already! I’m the coolest one who most deserves the position!!!! Hopefully I’ll hear back from them by the end of the week because apparently I was a seasonal employee at Ye Olde Fabric Chain… even though I had been there for more than 6 months… o.O Go figure.

I think I’ve taken all I can stand from the customers anyway… swear, I love crafting and all that jive, but some of the people that come into crafting/fabric stores are straight up JERKS! And I’m talking about the regular Crafty ladies. Probably 40% of them are rude, nitpicky, impatient people. And you’d be AMAZED at how many people steal!!! I’m talking $40-$50 Gingher scissors, beads, notions, they rip the stuff right out of the package and leave it on the floor! They rip the wrapper off the remnants and shove it in their purses. They steal the red-tag stickers, stick them on regular-priced stuff and try to demand the red-tag price. It’s ridiculous.

So anyway… I think I will be starting a Vlog on YouTube soon… I’m trying to wait until I upgrade my computer in a couple weeks because I need a much faster processor to do the editing and other things I’m planning… so I’ll keep people updated… it would be a little different from this blog because I feel I’m much better at telling stories and conveying ideas visually than I am at typing stuff out… it’s a really different style. Visually is always more “*Stina”… so yeah….

Hopefully the rest of the month plays out more mellow…..

In Sickness and in Health

Thursday night Mom and I left around 10pm to drive an hour to SFO to pick up Big Sis and her husband from their honeymoon.  When we were leaving, my brother, who already has a diagnosed heart condition, started complaining of chest pain, so he took some medicine and then Mom and I headed out.  About 2 hours later, 20 minutes away from home, we get a call from Lil Sis saying Brother is splayed out on the floor in complete chest pain.  He can’t move, he’s nauseous, she’s sorta freaking out.

Ambulance is called, we meet them at the house, Brother is inside with the Paramedics.  They’re asking him questions and he’s barely groaning out the responses.  He’s got a pretty high threshold for pain, so seeing this is really starting to get to me, I thought he was having a heart attack. They take him away and at that very moment I am so thankful for VA benefits because he’s not covered by his current job.  Mom goes to the hospital, I stay home with Lil Sis and Big Sis and BiL go to their apartment.  It’s 1:30am and I’m worried - extremely worried.  I was so tired and I felt a little guilty for going to bed, but I knew I couldn’t help him at all, whether asleep or awake.  I didn’t find out until about 6am that it was his appendix.

I breathed the biggest sigh of relief because Brother is only 24.  We’re only 14 months apart and we graduated high school together.  He’s almost like a twin to me.  I was afraid for a moment that he wouldn’t be around anymore.

They removed his appendix, he’s back home today, playing Call of Duty on Xbox 360 and I’m sooooo grateful.  Praise God.