Procrastination Hurts

I’m not generally a procrastinator… I like to work on things little-by-little early on in the project, so that when I get closer to the deadline, I’m not freaking out.  I don’t know what it is about finals, though, especially in Spring, that just make me about the most procrastinating person ever.

The last final, and I mean last final of my undergraduate career is due to be presented Tuesday.  It’s a video piece.  I’m probably only 25% done.  I’m pretty sure it’s because I had to re-shoot it but I found that out just 2 days before a 6-day long trip to Arkansas for my Grandmother’s funeral.

Right now, I know I should be working on the piece but good lord I just feel so unmotivated!  Not motivated?!  You ask, But you’re about to graduate!  What more motivation do you need?!?!  It’s that semester-end thing where I’m just barely crawling over the finish line.  I am overwhelmed with the many things that life is throwing at me now.  I know that I will complete it tomorrow.  I know that I will pass the class.  I know that I will graduate.  But at 9:06pm PST, at this very present moment, I don’t know if what I produce will even be halfway decent.  I’m just so done already.

I need to find employment.  I need to clean my bedroom which is an utter pigsty because I did laundry the morning I left and didn’t get a chance to put it all away.  When I got back at 2:30am, I pushed everything off my bed and collapsed and have been so busy since returning that I haven’t had a decent amount of time to clean.  I need fingerprints.  I need to get 2 sets of paperwork done.  I have to submit volunteer hours.  Worry about getting bills paid (I haven’t worked since January because I was looking after my grandmother, going to school, and taking Japanese classes).  I also have to train 5 people before I leave in August.

Sometimes I just get so worried about stuff that I just want to drop it all and start from scratch, but I can’t really do that, so slosh through it I must.

But I don’t mean to sound like a drag.  There are some silver linings to my clouds:  I made an awesome new friend last month who absolutely makes my days.  I will be graduating with a BA degree by the end of the month.  The Drive-In is open.  I have a full summer to spend with great friends before I move to Japan in August.  I will be a first-time Aunt come October.  I will be independent.  I will almost be like a real grown-up!

So there you have it.  Once I get over this hump called May (which, oddly, seems to be a big hurdle every year), it will almost be smooth sailing for a while.

And with confidence somewhat restored, I will rest and relax tonight and (hopefully) go full-throttle tomorrow, probably chatting with my buddy throughout the day, ha!  Oh yeah, and my sister and her husband come back tomorrow, too… so that’s always nice.