Resolutions… You’re Talking Pixels, Right?

One thing I never do at New Years is make resolutions because I have always felt that if there was something I needed to change about myself, why wait until the end of the year to set yourself up for an epic fail by adding so much pressure, right?  Well this year I’ve decided to change it up a bit… only because it was already close to the New Year when I decided to make this change.

I'm on the far-left.

When I was a kid, I’m talking maybe four or five years old, my mother decided that my siblings and I would sing a song together for Easter at church.  Now before I go further, just realize that this is coming from a woman who sings regularly together with her sisters in churches; who’s mother and sisters sang regularly together in churches.  My family is a singing one.  Anyway, I told my mom that I didn’t want to sing.  She didn’t care, she said I was going to do it.

I spent every home rehearsal either begging her to let me out of the “gig” or pouting.  She was not fazed.

Easter morning we get up, get dressed, go to church and when it’s time for us to do our number, I cry through the entire song; I lie to you not.  But even though I cried, I still sang the whole song; I would just like to point that out.  After the performance was over, my mom says to me, “I can’t believe you cried through that entire song!  I’m not going to ask you to sing anymore…” and I responded through tears (and even a snotty nose) “That’s all I wanted!”

I used to tell people this was the reason why I didn’t sing in public like my siblings went on to do along with practically everyone else on my mom’s side of the family.  My mom thought I was making it up or something until about two years ago when we stumbled upon a video recording of this traumatizing moment in my young life.  When I watched it (in agony), I pointed out to my mom that this epic moment in my personal history is the story I relate to people and the reason I don’t sing in public… she just shook her head.

Lately a good friend of mine (who has heard me sing several times) told me that that’s a lame excuse for not singing in public, even though I love to sing; even after that terrible incident… after his encouragement (and a little bit of nagging) I’ve decided that my New Year’s Resolution will be to get over my irrantional fear of singing in public and just do it.  At music gigs or jam sessions… just do it.  So that’s what I’m gonna do.  egh.

I’m definitely gonna have to 頑張って.