Socially Speaking…

The teachings of my parents coupled with painful social experiences through gradeschool made me develop and maintain as truth the idea that everyone, no matter the case, deserves a fair shot to show themselves (their personality) to you before you make any judgements against them.  I try to practice this with every person I meet, I am not 100% all the time, but I’m pretty good at giving everyone the chance I believe they deserve; so when I meet people who so adamantly prejudge others, it always kind of rubs me the wrong way.

I know I’m not going to get along with everyone I meet, but I will let the other person’s (re)actions decide that for me.  I try not to write people off until they act negatively against me personally… even if they have a bit of a reputation for being a mean person or something like that.  People deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Someone said to me last week that they can’t afford to give people the benefit of the doubt, I guess they’ve been burned too many times.  I responded that I can’t afford not to because of my belief that everyone on this planet is the same and deserves the same amount of initial respect.  What they do to gain or lose respect, though, is a completely different matter.

In that same vein of respect, I find that if you acknowledge that you will not become fast-friends with everyone, you should still be able to maintain respect for others.  If you find someone that you do not get on particularly well with, make amends and move on with your life.  Constantly speaking negatively about someone and openly sharing your disdain for same-said person will rapidly make me lose respect for you as a person.

To say things like someone is “not cool” makes me automatically feel like you’re also “not cool” for so simply debasing someone.  Also, to say that someone says “stupid things” however often shows that you don’t often listen to yourself because no one speaks poetry at every utterance; and to me even says that probably say many dumb things yourself.

In the case that you are ever placed in a relatively small community of people who live in the same situation as you, work in the same occupation as you, and are a part of the same employment/exchange program as you it seems unwise and just plain rude to openly and oftenly make negative remarks about people that you must be around weekly.  You never know what ears may hear and how third parties may feel about you and also about the person you despise so much.  In fact, it may even cause people that you do get on well with to lose initial respect and wish to avoid making contact with you in further instances.

It’s sad to say that in conversation with the one who does not give people the benefit of the doubt, they mentioned this type of thing and I said “I can’t really imagine that happening”.  Well, then.

These kids are LOUD!

I know that I will never fully understand Japanese culture, but for a people bent on “saving face”, they sure do let their kids go buckwild a lot.

In the States when a person is out in public and their child begins to throw a tantrum; screaming, yelling, and drawing attention to the parent or present caretaker, that is an awkward or embarassing situation.  Most people within earshot will turn around to find out what child is making such terrible noises and why the parent isn’t taking care of business.  Now, there is a real difference between a child crying from pain or sadness, and a kid just wailing away because they are not getting what they want.

When a kid begins to throw a tantrum, the parent will try to calm the kid down to save face in public.  Yes, the parenting styles are different; some parents may stupidly give into the child’s desires (and teach the kid how to get their way and become a spoiled brat), some parents may count (to a million, even, and the kid learns that nothing will ever happen when mom or dad stop counting), and some people choose to spank the child (and teach them that they can’t have everything they want and that mom or dad is in charge so the kid needs to stop acting up).  In any case, the point is that the parents or caretakers at least make an attempt to sooth the savage beast.

Here in Japan I am quickly learning that’s a different story.

Just from my apartment I have heard at least 2 different infants cry for a solid 10 to 15 minutes.  It seemed like someone just left them in the crib, right next to the window, and their cries filled the neighborhood.  Not the worst situation, I understand, the baby could have colic or something.  By far the worst thing I’ve seen (several times over) is a young child, around 4 years old, full-on screaming making tearful demands (in 日本語, of course) while the (grand)parent just ignores the kid and keeps walking.  At 9pm old people call the cops if you play music a tad too loud while they’re trying to go to sleep, but some kid screaming in the street for 10 minutes doesn’t move anyone?  Doesn’t drive anyone crazy?

I saw a lady on the train, very fashionable, with a kid about 4 or 5 years old.  They got on the train and the kid immediately falls to the floor screaming about some thing or another and the mother is just sitting there like he isn’t making any noise.  She’s on a train.  That isn’t embarassing?  That doesn’t make you lose face?  Your kid fully screaming and you, the parent, cannot control them and tell them to calm down and stop making a fool of themselves in public?

What is especially confusing is the fact that Japanese people love quiet at home and while riding the train and in both situations, no one even looks at the kid.  I just stare at them… in the eye… asking “what on earth is wrong with you?”  They generally sober up pretty quicky after that.

Many times I just wonder, “Does Japan have Child Protective Services?”

I’m an Auntie!!!

My sister finally had her baby!  The “official” due date was October 2nd but the little girl was not having it… so several days later, on October 5th the doctors induced labor and little 7lb Gabrielle Christine was born!  So now I’m officially an AUNTIE!

Here’s a lovely picture.

My niece!

The only thing that sucks is that I wasn’t able to be there for the birth, I really wanted to be there to support my sister; but Gabby is healthy so that’s really all that matters.  I got to speak to my sister a few hours after labor and I guess she had the baby in her arms because I heard her mewling for a split second!  It was a very tiny voice, and that was the only sound she made.

Erica said that Gabby barey made any noise when she was first born, which is amazing seeing as how both my sister and her husband are singers and very vocal. =P  But in a bit, she’ll be singing just like her mommy and daddy and she’ll drive them crazy like Erica used to do me when we were kids.

I should be going home for a visit in January and I’m excited!  Time to go buy baby shoes and blankets and all that stuff! =D